


How it Wasn't

by Fernatticus



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Background Beauregard Lionett, Background Caduceus Clay, Background Fjord (Critical Role), Gen, Guilt, Hurt Nott (Critical Role), Hurt/Comfort, Resurrection, Self-Loathing Caleb Widogast, nott dies, she gets better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:14:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24397144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernatticus/pseuds/Fernatticus
Summary: An alternative to ep 45's dragon fight, where Nott sacrifices herself for Jester and dies with the dragon. Cue Caleb not dealing with it well.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre & Nott, Nott & Caleb Widogast
Comments: 7
Kudos: 80





	How it Wasn't

**Author's Note:**

> nothing againt caleb/jester I just love drama and angst :)

"We're running, it's bad," Caduceus announced, materializing from a wall. Caleb looked up at the terrifying blue dragon, who until this point he knew only from readings. Words had under represented the magnitude and danger this monster emanated. On the floor he could see a creature of fire, and he quickly picked up on the pervading smell of ozone. 

He glanced at Nott, who at this point was the only person in the room he could see. She was hurt, but not on deaths door. She could take care of herself.

He pulled out his Transmuters Stone, switched the setting to Lightning and ran to the orb. In the moment before he touched it he heard Nott yell after him.

"Caleb wait for-" And in a moment there was a flash as he teleported away, not hearing the end of her sentence. He cringed, guilt overcoming him as he found himself in a room, surrounded by the rest of the group excluding Jester, Nott and Twiggy. The moment he appeared, Fjord and Beau turned to him, panic on their faces.

"Where's Jester? Is she okay? Did you see her?" Fjord asked urgently.

"N-nein, I did not," He responded awkwardly.

"Shit, shit, shit," Beau groaned in frustration. "She's hurt bad."

Caleb took stock of the room for a minute, truly taking in his disheveled companions, before there was another bright flash from The Happy Fun Ball. 

Jester stumbled out, tears streaking her bloody cheeks. She was still on fire, and Beau quickly ran up to pat her out. 

"We have to go back," Jester sobbed instantly, her voice harsh and breaking, antithetical to her usual musical tone. Caleb wondered for a moment if he had missed something, but the rest of the group seemed equally confused.

"What?" Fjord prompted. Jester shuddered as another sob wracked her body. Caleb glanced over at The Happy Fun Ball.

"Where's Nott?" He asked. Jester looked at him, her eyes glazed over with grief. The guilt in her eyes were in no way unfamiliar to him. She bit her lip hard.

"Sh-she... she took a hit... I couldn't..." She cried, burying her face in her hands. Caleb's heart fell into his stomach.

"Jester," He said, his voice ice cold. "Where is Nott."

Beau wrapped an arm around Jester's shaking shoulder, a look of fond concern on her normally stoic face.

"S-s-she's d-dead," Jester barely managed to say. Caleb's heart froze for what could have been a few second or a few years, either way when he took his next breath it felt like it could very well be his last. 

"You left her," He accused, the accusation meant just as much for himself as it was for her.

"Fuck," Fjord said, the words a ghost wisp off his tongue. 

"We have to go back. As long as there's a body we can resurrect her!" She begged, feigning hopefulness, looking around to the group with desperation in her eyes.

Beau grimaced before saying, "We need a rest, if we go back now we'll all die." 

"We can't just leave her body there! If the dragon destroys it we won't be able to bring her back!" She pleaded desperately. 

"We don't have a choice," Caduceus spoke up, his voice grim. Caleb's brain was filled with images of Nott dead, Nott burned or mangled or beaten. His mind was stuck on the fact there was a chance he would no longer have the privilege of occupying a world with Nott in it. That thought in particular was all consuming, and the strategical debate drowned out into a mush of just noise. He would not be the reason she was taken from this world. He would not allow his family to burn because of him.

He felt himself moving towards The Happy Fun Ball without fully registering it. 

"Caleb, what are you doing?" Someone asked loudly, their voice accusatory in nature. Caleb ignored this and felt his hand moving towards the happy fun ball, but before he could touch it there was another bright flash. Out of the light stumbled a small figure holding a body. Nott's body. 

Twiggy was scorched, but overall not too damaged. She clutched Nott's body, using all the strength in her small gnomish body to hold up Nott's weight. Caleb's eyes fell on Nott and if he weren't so disillusioned, he would have thrown up.

Her entire body was charred badly, some embers still lit on her clothes. More noticeably, however, were the huge gashes running down her torso. He could make out multiple claw marks bleeding profusely, shallow in comparison to the bite marks which were much deeper and damaging. Enough clothing and flesh was gone that he could see bone. She smelled of cooked flesh and burnt hair. 

He backed away, allowing Caduceus to work. Jester stood there, shaking and watching, the tears stopping momentarily. Nott's body was lay horizontal on the wooden planks, the wood soaking in her excess of blood. Caduceus rifled through his pockets before pulling out a medium sized diamond. He murmured a few words, some arcane and some divine. He pressed the diamond into the hollow on her chest in between her breasts. Caleb could have sworn he felt the wind pick up in the small room, although his thoughts were preoccupied at the moment. Caduceus pushed down forcefully, and the diamond shattered, the light seeping into Nott's lifeless form. A tense moment passed as the divine magic pervaded its way through her system, finally restoring life.

Nott inhaled, the sound raspy and pained. Her eyes slowly fluttered open, allowing the red slits surrounded by honey yellow to meet the light of day once more. An audible sound of relief from the collection sounded in the room. As Nott breathed better, she looked around, trying to make out where she was. She made an attempt to sit up, Caduceus stopping her with a gentle hand.

"You've had a difficult time. Don't exert yourself," He ordered, his voice kind and soothing. She nodded as he cast another healing spell, closing her open wounds. He helped her sit up, propping her up into a sitting position. 

"Jester? Are you okay?" Nott asked, looking to Jester who was frozen with shock. Nott looked more concerned for the tiefling than for herself, and Caleb started to get angry. Jester had abandoned her, she didn't deserve her kindness. Jester seemed to agree with this sentiment by the look of guilt on her face. "You got hit pretty bad."

Jester stumbled over, fell to her knees and swept Nott into her arms. Caleb was concerned that she was hurting Nott, but Nott reciprocated the hug. Caleb noticed that the others had walked off to give the girls a moment. Fjord was talking with Yasha and Orly while Beau talked to Twiggy. Caduceus had backed off from Nott and was keeping an eye on everyone. Caleb, however irrational this sentiment was, was upset with Jester. She had watched Nott die and left her body there. They all could have lost her. His throat almost felt acidic, and he walked over to them. Jester noticed his arrival and looked up at him, eyes wide.

"Caleb-" She started before Caleb cut her off by scooping Nott into his arms. He glared at her before walking off. Nott looked back and forth between the two of them, confused and concerned. As they walked down the hallway, Nott tapped his chin.

"Are you mad at Jester?" She asked, her voice small and sweet, the way it got sometimes when talking about flowers or Yeza or Caleb. He didn't look at her.

"She left you to die," He commented dryly, subconsciously pulling her closer. In his peripherals Nott frowned.

"You shouldn't be upset with her. She didn't do anything wrong. I'm just happy she's safe," Nott explained. Caleb's stomach tightened once more at the idea Nott was happy to die for Jester when he needed her so much.

"You died," He responded, his words venom in his mouth.

"Yeah, well I came back. And it wasn't as bad as-" She started before cutting herself off. "It wasn't that bad."

Caleb swung open the door to their shared room with one arm, the other still cradling her lithe body. He walked over to the bed and gently set her down before going through his med kit.

"Please don't be mad at Jester. She didn't do anything wrong," Nott requested, although her energy was tapered and the ask was halfhearted. She keenly watched him working before tacking on, "Neither did you."

Caleb kept his gaze down, refusing to meet hers because he knew he would see nothing but forgiveness. It was in her nature. 

"You deserve better," He told her as the passing thought made its way past his lips. She let out a pained chuckle and shrugged as he removed the wrappings on her legs. 

"Yeah probably. At least a nap," She mused distantly. 

"More than a nap."

"Well you can give me all the riches and gold in the world later, but right now I'll just settle for a nap."

He looked up at her and was perturbed to see her smiling kindly down at him, like he was the one who had been injured. He frowned and felt tears prickle in his eyes, but he pushed that away. 

"Your skin needs to breathe. I'll re wrap you tomorrow," He told her. He helped her lay down in the bed and brushed away her signature strand of hair that always seemed to fall in front of her eyes. 

"I'm like a mummy," She whispered distantly, clearly exhausted. He couldn't help but chuckle at her delivery. 

"Ja, a little bit," He responded softly. She smiled and nestled further into the lumpy pillow. "Goodnight, Nott the Brave."

She hummed in response, quickly falling asleep. He sat next to her, unable to be a pillow or leave. He simply pet her hair and wallowed in self hatred.

**Author's Note:**

> :D :D :D
> 
> Comments always appreciated


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